ONE DOVE. TO BRING ME SOME PEACE.

Why does it still hurt? I hate losing friends. (contrary to what you might believe from recent online events I don't enjoy arguing with people online and deleting people doesn't always come as easy as you'd think.) Some people come into your life and go and you don't even batter an eyelid, they make no difference to your life whatsoever but others come into your life, you bond with them and it really does rip you apart when they leave. I've been having a mid-life crisis since 2008 it seems so I really wouldn't blame any of you for wanting out of this space we share together.

I feel totally helpess against the situation with Joe. It's really hard to see someone who once said he cared about me want nothing more to do with me, for whatever reason the end result is the same. I'm never gonna see him again am I?

I fucked up so many times over this but I still don't want to admit defeat and accept our friendship is over. I've ruined things but it IS worth saving I know it is. Ironically now the feelings have gone it hurts even MORE than it ever did before because having a few stupid emotional feelings compared to never seeing one of my best friends ever again there's no comparison, THIS HURTS MORE.

For the record, If one more person says "It'll get easier over time." I will twat them one, because right now it's hurting very much, and it's been hurting ever since he left so I can't even imagine getting over it just yet. Realistically I know I will. No-one died, we're both still there, it's just such a shame we can't exist in the same friendship circle anymore.

I've been looking for distractions all weekend, however. I haven't found any. Sent a few messages to random people I don't know online, hoping to find some new conversations and get to know people. I'm arranging to meet people I do know in person too, so hopefully that'll be something to focus on and it'll just stop me thinking about what a fucking mess I've made of everything recently.