AND IT'S GOODBYE FROM HIM

Ive got a feeling it's gonna be a week for final goodbyes. It's a horrible feeling but sometimes it's unavoidable. I know I'm not the easiest friend to have, I bring alot of emotional baggage to the table but I've always tried to do right by people I care about. Maybe in some cases I've tried too hard, and that in itself has driven people away. I know I'm a very 'clingy' person at times, and that's not an attractive quality in anyone. I've made alot of mistakes which I'll always hold my hand up to but sometimes, no matter how much you try, you just can't go back and rectify things that are broken beyond repair.



A package from my ex-boyfriend was delivered this morning. I was reluctant to open it at first incase it was a bomb. ha. Turns out it was just some dvds I'd lent him. No note, no explanation, just the final "no need to contact me again" jesture. I guess it's for the best. We weren't doing ourselves any favours still being in contact, even though we split up ages ago, his new boyfriend had already found flirty messages between us on his phone and banned us from seeing each other, so there really was nowhere left for it to go. Everytime we met up we ended up in bed together and whilst that was fun at the time, it was clearly not helping. I was single, but he wasn't. It's very hard to be 'friends' with someone you were once in a relationship with because if there's any form of attraction still there, it's bound to be acted upon or longed for. By the time Glyn and I split up we didn't even love each other, so why we were still sleeping together was always questioned. What started out as a really strong bond has just ended up as a mutual hatred for each other, and that's such a shame.

I seem to be losing more people than I'm gaining just lately. It makes me question my assests as a friend. Just what do I bring to a friendship? If I'm doing more harm than good then maybe I'm better off not making new friends? If sooner or later I'm gonna drive them away with my stupid emotions then I should save us all time and effort right now and just disappear. I kinda need people around me though I reckon, however much I like being alone it is nice to know that there are some people out there who care and would drop everything to come and help if needed. It's an awful feeling to know that someone who once cared now wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire. If I lose anymore friends I'll have no-one left. Scary thought.