THE DECORATING DIARIES: Part One

Three-Fingered George will be here tomorrow. The room is ready for him to work his magic. I can't imagine what it'll look like when it's done. It's been a dark dreary colour for so long, it'll be nice to get a bit of light into the place. A nice light space with happy thoughts.



The bedroom feels a bit crammed in at the moment. It's basically floor to ceiling with livingroom. Not a good look, but at least no-one will be coming over for a while. I miss Joe. There's no getting around the fact that him not wanting to be friends anymore has left a big gaping hole in my social life. We spent alot of time together and I should never have let it come to this. It's my fault he hates me. He hasn't replied to any of my messages since before Christmas. He never acknowledged the birthday present I sent him and for all I know he could have just thrown it away. I half expected him to return it, and was quite surprised when he didn't. I took it as a good sign that he'd kept it and so hoped he'd get in touch, at least just to say thanks for remembering his birthday, but no, nothing. The more I contact him the less likely he is to respond, but I wanted to acknowledge his birthday. He remembered mine, even though he chose the day of my Birthday to tell me he didn't want to come round anymore, he still brought gifts. Anyway... that's old news. We're moving on, remember?

I'm excited about tomorrow.

BORDOM STRIKES

I get bored very easily. It doesn't take much and today is definitely one of those days where bordom has me by the bollocks. A day of over eating and excessive masturbation will no doubt see me through. I need some excitement though. How can I go on like this, day after day, doing the same thing... I get up, go online and the computer stays on for the duration until it's turned off at bedtime. Inbetween I eat, drink, watch TV, chat to people... I have no purpose in life at the moment. Not that I really had one before, but I guess it's highlighted more in times when I feel down.

George has quoted to re-plaster the livingroom. £700 for one room! Grrr. So expensive, but it'll be worth it in the end. A total change, just like I wanted. With the walls smoothed over and new skirting boards and door frames fitted, it will be a complete blank canvas to choose whichever colour I like. I'm thinking a light colour, cream, close to white, but not quite, something to totally brighten up these dark and dreary walls. The wallpaper will need to come off first. I've made a start, but I'm so lazy. Thankfully I had a little help today...



The kitchen cupboards need to be dismantled so they can be moved/rebuilt later. I have no idea how I'm going to rebuild them though, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I'm pretty useless at DIY, always have been.

CRAPPY NEW YEAR?

Found out today that my cousin Maria has had a baby and that my Aunt Jean has died. All we need now if for someone to set fire to the pub and it'll be like an episode of EastEnders.

I've slipped up in the 'daily blogging' plan. I spend so much time moaning on Facebook the odds are anyone who comes here will have already seen my latest news on there anyway, but I do want to try and keep this blog up too. I keep promising I will, but it's hard really. Hard to write about how I'm feeling and what's going on because just lately none of it has been GOOD news. Things are improving though. I think if anything, recent events have taught me that I can do things on my own and I shouldn't really rely on friends for support because it does tend to push them away. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends and they do support me, but since Joe left, I've been reluctant to rely on anyone really, because losing someone, whoever they are, is just so hard to deal with.

I don't deal with things very well, as anyone who knows me will testify to I'm sure. 2012 has got off to a strange start so far, but it will get better. I am changing alot of things about my life right now so it'll be quite interesting to see which direction things take. I plan to totally renovate my home, a whole new start in a whole new room, but that will take time and money. I have alot of time but very little money right now so once I've sorted out a loan, I will be able to get stuck into changing the place completely and brightening things up a bit. It'll be a good distraction I hope.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :) x

BOY, YOUR BOOTS CAN LEAVE A MESS

A few of you have asked me if I'm looking forward to the Tori Amos concert on November 2nd in a couple of weeks and yeah I am... Looking forward to the bootleg, but I've changed my mind about actually attending the Royal Albert Hall concert. I have mixed feelings about this and I know I'll regret not going at some point, but for now I do think it's for the best. Tori hasn't played 'Hey Jupiter' on the NOH Tour yet but you just KNOW that Biatch is saving it for the Royal Albert Hall when I should have been there. If she plays Hey Jupiter (my all time favourite song) it will be a further kick in the teeth for sure.

When I went to see her in 2009 with Kate and Joe I was PRAYING she'd play Jupiter (just for me.) and it would have seriously made my LIFE complete had she tinkled the ivories with that tune that night, but she didn't. It wasn't missed though, she played a really cool setlist on the night and I recall bawling my eyes out during 'Winter'. So weird to actually be in the same room as Tori alongside two of my best friends when I never EVER thought I would be able to go to one of her concerts. I still think even now that going to that concert at the Hammersmith Apollo was the best day of my entire life and I'll never forget a second of it.

You probably think I'm stupid for not going this time when I'd already bought a ticket and there's nothing to physically stop me getting on a train and going to London but I just feel it's too much since my friendship with Joe ended and we should have been going to London together. It makes sense to just leave it altogether rather than sit next to an empty seat that he would have been in and have that override the actual joy of being at the concert, and I'm 100% sure it would have, regardless of how much of a good time I was having or whoever went in his place. (He isn't going either so I guess we both miss out.)



So yeah, for the first time in my life I'm really hoping that Tori DOESN'T play Hey Jupiter on November 2nd. I hope it'll be a fantastic concert for those who are going though and I hope Tori plays ALL the songs you're hoping for. (Please DON'T play 'Cooling' either Tori, I'm sure Kate won't be happy if you do. haha)

NEGLECTED SPACE

This is the song that reminded me I had a blog yesterday. My very own 'Neglected Space' which I hadn't updated in a while.



Hopefully now I've redesigned the layout the space won't be neglected again. I've kinda missed blogging, but I'm also very aware that I have the attention span of a two year old at the moment so I won't make any promises to blog daily or stick around for the duration, but I'm here for now.

What d'ya think of the new layout?

LAWN TO BE WILD

The garden finally is finished. Horrah!

From THIS:



To THIS:



It only took 8 fucking months. *grin*

BARE WITH...

I have alot on my mind right now so I'm seeking as many distractions as possible. All that has really involved so far this weekend is good coffee, an obscene amount of chocolate and a damn good book. But it's a welcome distraction, just the same.('Becoming Nancy' by Terry Ronald incase you were wondering. Excellent read.)

It's sooo hard to stop yourself from dwelling on stuff you shouldn't be dwelling on at times, and moving on with things is much easier said than done. I'm sure some of you can relate to that, no matter how many distractions you have. Some people can but I just can't seem to program my brain to focus on other things or block out all the negative stuff when something is on my mind and once you've let one little negative fucker in, he holds the door open for all his little fucking negative friends and before you know it it's like a riot in the corridors of Cell Block H and you're surrounded by faded-denim and bad acting... well, not quite, but you get my drift.

I know I'm a miserable fucking cunt at the best of times, but bare with me during the crap times and things will get better, I promise. I've been a bit off with some of you lately, and it's nothing personal, honest. I just don't handle life very well at times and it spills over into my friendships when clearly It shouldn't.