SOUP-ER MAN

Today I made soup. Damn good soup actually, Delia would be proud. Normally I'd open a can, splash its contents into a bowl and microwave it for 2minutes but homemade soup is sooo much nicer.



Quite happy today, strange really as yesterday was a pretty rough day. Maybe those bear-ears worked after all? I had a medical review this morning and passed with flying colours. Things are really making progress for me in that department. My Psychiatrist told me today that she was impressed with my progess and was happy to see me on a 'need to' basis rather than making me attend regular sessions. I'm am VERY happy with that, you have no idea how much that place can add to your troubles, so to be spending less time there already makes me feel better. I still have to attend my fortnightly sessions with JAM (the next one is on Monday) but it meant so much to me to be free of the extra sessions. The reduction in medication was a definite step in the right direction too. Today I feel invincible. I don't get to say that very often.

Right now I'm gonna eat my freshly made soup and enjoy the rest of my weekend homo-alone. Behold its potatoey, leaky, peppery goodness...



*slrrrrp*

WITH EVERY HIGH COMES A LOW

I feel like a bit of a failure today. I get like this sometimes and I don't really know why. Obviously I have regrets, who doesn't? But from the regrets comes the feeling of failure. I can't seem to shut my mind off from the Joe situation, however much I try and it doesn't take much to leave me feeling deflated and alone. I miss him so much it still hurts after five months that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I know you probably think that's a stupid thing for anyone to say, that it hurts after all this time, but it does. I'm still struggling to find a purpose in life, and whilst the decorating has been a good distraction, even that has had its moments where I've wanted to scream. After this weekend I think I need to really sort myself out and DO something about my life. Make a list of goals and work towards achieving them, even if it means sacrifices. There's really no point me moaning about things in this blog if I do nothing to actually help change them. Joe always said I'd never change, I'm still the same selfish person he met in 2006, nomatter how many chances I had. Hopefully I can prove him wrong. It's just a shame he won't be around to see it.



You have no idea how tempted I am to break this seal right now. HAHA!

THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SNOW BUSINESS

Heavy snowfall during the night. The place is covered in white. This morning Lucy insisted on going out in it so we were up at 7am and straight out into the snow. I filmed her and Bradley in it. [The video has been posted to my Vimeo page, if you're interested, but you've no doubt already seen it plastered all over Facebook.]

There's something about the sight of snow that makes me feel like a kid again, the urge to grab a handful of it, form a snowball and throw it never really leaves you. I don't think either Lucy or Bradley would have apreciated a snowball in the chops though, so I resisted. I did get some really cute footage of them in the snow though and I'm very proud of the video I made. The first one of 2012.

THE DECORATING DIARIES: Part Five

House smells of gloss paint. Had forgotten how much gloss paint stinks actually. Revolting. But as you can see, everything is starting to take shape now in the livingroom.



Someone online kind of upset me today, not intentionally, but he asked me how Joe was doing. He didn't know we weren't friends anymore, so it got us talking about the past. I didn't really need it to be honest, whilst it was nice to catch up it didn't feel good to be going over old ground, especially where Joe was concerned because all it achieved was to remind me of how much he hates me, and that hurts. It still hurts, even after all this time that he won't talk to me anymore. No-one seems to have a good word to say about Joe. I don't know if that's supposed to be of some comfort to me, but it isn't, because he was a GREAT guy but it's a chapter in my life I need to close the door on and keep it locked for good. As much as I don't want to. If he were to call or txt me right now I'd answer and do anything I could to rebuild our friendship, but I know it'll never happen and wanting it serves no purpose. I've hopefully learnt from my errors and won't make the same mistakes again with other friends. Once you have sex with one of your friends it's never the same, however much you want it to be.