OLD HABITS DIE HARD

I seem to have slipped back into my old anti-social ways of late. I've built brick walls around me and I'm happily sitting inside them eating crisps, but sooner or later the crisps will run out and I'll be forced back into the real world, where hopefully there will at least be some vodka waiting.

Anywhoo... When I do come out it'll be September and I have a birthday looming. People have asked what my plans are and normally there would be a party on the horizon but I'm really not sure what to do this year. I'm still mourning the loss of a really good friend and celebrating seems wrong somehow. Although some might say that's just what I need to get over this - I'm unsure of what to do. Part of me thinks "PARRRRTY!!!" but the bank balance is saying "Microwaved meal for one and a recycled party hat from last year." I just don't know where to go from here. I feel shit and being around people when I'm feeling low is the last thing I want but as it was pointed out to me yesterday by dearest JAM, those are the warning signs that have triggered events in the past that have only ended in tears. My tears.

I know what I need to do and hopefully I'll eventually convince myself to do it and get back out there.