ACCEPT THE THINGS YOU CANNOT CHANGE, BITCH!

You know when you're having a wank and you're happily chugging along left to the devices of your own imagination when suddenly a familar face pops into your mind, someone you've had sex with before back in the day but you REALLY REALLY don't want to see again, not because he's now married with kids but coz he has the smallest dick in the history of 'smallest dicks' and you think to yourself NOOOO STOP! but yet you don't let go, you carry on at at uncomfortable yet steady pace and before you know it orgasmic delight and the lasting image you finished on is Steve Hastings? No? Just me then. The worst thing was I wasn't even dreaming - this actually happened. I'm currently soaking in bleach and awaiting a 12 week course of intense therapy to start. There's hope for me yet.



I Spent most of yesterday on the phone. Strange really, people I'd not spoken to for months all calling on the same day. I must have subconciously sent out a signal implying I was in dire need of a gossip. None of them managed to entice me out of my brick walled cocoon though, but we had alot to catch up on I guess. It helped pass the time thats for sure because before I knew it the day was over and I finally got some much needed sleep. I feel quite refreshed this morning - something I've not felt for quite a while. Maybe things will settle down a bit now? I keep repeating that mantra to myself "Accept the things you cannot change, Bitch!" and after about a million times it probably is finally starting to settle into my brain that it is what it is and I can't do fuck all about what comes my way except live through it. It's a horrible feeling knowing you can't put something right you've broken, but that's just it, you CAN'T put it right no matter how hard you try, so why bother? I don't mean why bother at all, coz clearly some things are worth fighting for, but when repeated attempts to make amends fall on deaf ears and you're hurting yourself over and over when the other person has moved on and just hates you more and more for not letting go. Nothing you do, no amount of promises or words can change the inevitable so just build a bridge and get over it, as painful as it may be to take those first few steps and MY GOD it still hurts like buggery but I'm on the bridge and it hasn't collapsed so YAY for me.